2am. It is raining and there is a line outside the noodle place. A dim red glow comes up from the next staircase down; you hear a hypnotic pulse. Looking down, you see there’s a propped-open door with a couple smoking outside it. “Ethernight Club” is laser cut into a piece of old roofing metal. …
Is it chiptunes? Nope. Is it 80s? Nope. We had to wait 40 years for this stupid fusion! 40 Years!!! It is really happy, though. Like when an underdog video game character is doing a level-up montage, or that song that plays in a 13 year old’s head when they get an extra mozzarella stick.
The 80s Gallop, a rhythmic motive heard in this piece, was popularized by many synth pop bands of yesteryear. Legend has it, some of those bands may still exist – wandering the countryside in search of slap bracelets.
Oh that’s nice. Like a salve. But the salve might have bits of pumice in it. Don’t rub too hard.
You know those lines on the highways? If you go exactly 70 miles per hour in the US, the lines will match up perfectly with this piece. I did the math. The actual tempo of this piece is 102.65 beats per minute.
Crank it up, ladies and gentlemen! Come on! Let’s go! You know HOW TO CRANK! Let’s go clockwise! Like… clockwise from the top – not the bottom. Grab it from the top. Either hand. It doesn’t matter. Now CRANK IT! Crank it. …like how a clock moves. The other way. If you take the part …
There’s always someone who is uncomfortably excited. This is for all you border collies hopped up on Adderall. This music is dangerously energetic and may cause paranoia, anxiety, and/or hallucinations. Not the fun kind of hallucinations, either. These are the kind of hallucinations where ponies with 8 spider-like legs are climbing on your ceiling and …
There’s always someone who is uncomfortably excited. This is for all you border collies hopped up on Adderall. This music is dangerously energetic and may cause paranoia, anxiety, and/or hallucinations. Not the fun kind of hallucinations, either. These are the kind of hallucinations where ponies with 8 spider-like legs are climbing on your ceiling and …
